The other night as I was in the tub trying to get my muscles to relax enough for me to sleep, I tweeted a quote from the Princess Bride.
“Pain is life, Princess.”
Except that’s not the line. I realized this after staring at my tweet for a minute. The quote is “Life is pain, princess.”
I sat there in the tub, listening to my spine crack and creak. I sat there thinking about all the work I’ve done to try and fix the pain.
I’ve done yoga. I’ve done massage therapy. I’ve taken medications. I’ve done physical therapy. I have stretched and attempted to fix this every way possible. The pain just doesn’t go away. It shifts and modifies itself, when it’s super hot or super cold the pain gets worse.
The pain is caused by a scar on my back. That scar is the reason why I’m alive. No, I’m not joking. I had heart surgery when I was an infant, and the scar on my back is a reminder that living was a fight. So for me, pain IS life. It is what gave me the chance to be on the planet.
Some days I have trouble raising my arms above my head.
But I’m alive.
Some days I don’t want to get out of bed because I know it will result in a yelp of pain.
But I’m alive.
I hate that I have to be grateful for my scar. But I do. Because I’m here.
So.
Life is pain. Pain is life.
I guess that’s just how it’s going to be.
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